Professional joke target Chris Grayling is helping people get through the coronavirus lockdown by inviting hundreds of people to a house party.
“People can get through this by social distancing together,” said Grayling.
“That’s why I’m going to have the mother of all parties – I’ll be inviting the world and his wife!
“I’m hiring Jacob Rees-Mogg’s country mansion so the gathering can be as large as possible. I thought he might give it to me for free but he said something about ‘market forces’ – whatever they are!
“There’ll be a DJ, and er, crisps and everything! Ooh, I’ll make my special rum punch – I’m sure you can all guess the secret ingredient!
“I’ve also booked a fleet of coaches to ferry everyone back and forth – no excuses for staying at home!
“If it’s a success I’ll do the same every weekend until they’ve found a vaccine for this awful coronation chicken thing.”
Grayling’s wife has reassured everyone there’s no need to worry.
“Relax, it’s fine,” she said. “I’ve checked – he’s forgotten to book the DJ, venue and to send out the invitations.
“And yes, the rum punch is literally just an empty punch bowl.
“It’s like our wedding all over again.
“Amazingly he has actually booked some coaches but they’re made by Corgi and are six inches long.
“Still, I suppose that by being the butt of so many jokes he’s actually performing a public service by helping to make people laugh.
“So in a way, I’m proud of him.”