Monday 23 March 2020 by Davywavy

Woman reaches the ‘singing to her cat’ stage of self-isolation


Woman singing to cat

Seven days into self-isolation and local woman Simone Williams is singing to her cat, we can report.

Simone, who has owned Mister Shufflebottom for four years, gave him an impromptu rendition of Aqua’s Barbie Girl into a hairbrush yesterday evening and it’s been downhill from there really.

According to reports, Simone said her cat ‘really enjoyed’ her take on Mister Brightside and him getting up and walking to the door means he wants to hear Dolly Parton’s greatest hits.

“Medical science has identified five more distinct stages of quarantine,” said doctors at the Kettering Institute of Staying at Home Sat On your Arse studies.

“Singing to your cat is number three. The others, in order, are making too many cups of tea, not changing out of your jim-jams, buying waaaaaaay too much stuff off Amazon, eating every snack in the house, and going flat-out postal.

“We’re hopeful in this case that Simone singing the entire back catalogue of Kylie 1989 – 2015 to an increasingly fractious and disinterested Mister Shufflebottom will delay the onset of the later stages.”

When asked, Simone told us that she and her cat are really enjoying being in isolation together and she’s thinking to logging in to Amazon to buy some more albums for them both to sing along to.

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