Monday 23 March 2020 by Davywavy

Tom Nook ordered to close his shop due to Coronavirus


Tom Nook forced to close shop

Money-grubbing Raccoon sociopath Tom Nook has been ordered to close his shop to help prevent the spread of Coronavirus, according to reports.

Nook, who is best known in his community for making loans at crippling interest rates to any old passer-by and using the monopoly granted by his being the only shop in town to hugely enrich himself, had vowed not to close as that would reduce his opportunities to make as many bells as possible.

“By and large I only get one customer into Nookington’s, but by god I milk him for every drop,” Nook told us whilst swigging Bollinger from a solid-gold chalice.

“That sap came wandering into town looking to buy a house, and he may as well have cut out a kidney and sold it there and then.

“I’d have given him three bells for a decent working organ, and then sold it on again for a thousand. Ka-Ching!”

Health experts ordered Nook to close after it emerged his family members – who were working unpaid in the shop – were all infected with the virus and he was refusing them time off.

“At least if the government pays the salaries of people in quarantine I’ll be able to claim for Timmy, Tommy and Isabelle and keep the lot,” Nook told us.

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