Politicians who campaigned for Leave shocked that people won’t listen to experts

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Key figures of the Leave campaign such as Michael Gove and Boris Johnson are perplexed that the people that voted to stick two fingers up to experts and the government are now ignoring the social distancing advice of experts and the government.

Simon Williams MP, a leading Brexiteer and junior minister for the Department of Dropped Pennies, chastised the public for going out in crowded places when the academics he used to call ‘elitist bubble-dwellers’ told them it would cause the nation great harm.

“It is vital that people stop seeing our instructions as ‘suggestions’ even though we still won’t enforce a real curfew and we have spent four years saying that the knowledge of experts is completely subjective.

“The experts that told you Brexit is a bad idea are not the same ones that are telling you to stay indoors. They went to completely different ivory towers.

“Now is not the time to believe that a hunch by a retired coach driver has just as much weight as the considered opinion of someone who has spent three decades working in and studying a salient field.

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“It’s time to admit that, in highly complex matters it’s best to play safe and trust the advice of knowledgeable people who tell us that certain actions can harm us and the country, even if we don’t completely understand it.”

However, a panel of experts convened by Michael Gove, on how to get the public to act wisely, has brought forward many helpful suggestions.

The panel unanimously told the minister to put all advice on a red bus and to “stick Dominic Cumming’s head up your arse and keep pushing until something goes pop, you puppet-faced wankstain.”