Monday 23 March 2020 by Neil Tollfree

It’s our right as proud Brits to catch coronavirus and die, insists public heading outside in the sunshine


outside people in public

The Great British Public have insisted that they have the right to go out to public places, mingle with each other, catch coronavirus and die and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop them.

“I’m a healthy 70-year-old man with no underlying health conditions,” explained Simon Williams, a free-thinking individual from Coventry.

“I’m certainly not prepared to let the Government dictate what I do. If I want to go out and catch coronavirus and die then I’m bally well going to go out and catch coronavirus and die.”

The surge in the wake of people exerting their right to go out and catch coronavirus and die comes in the wake of the Government telling everyone to not go out and catch coronavirus and die.

“Yeah, me and the family have decided to have a bit of a meet-up tonight. See Dad, have a few drinks and a bit of a laugh, catch coronavirus and die,” said Eleanor Gay as she filled up her trolly with toilet rolls and lager.

“I know they say you shouldn’t really catch coronavirus and die, but from what I’ve seen on Facebook, catching coronavirus and dying isn’t really all that bad, plenty of people seem to be out and about doing it, so I don’t know what everyone’s going on about.”

It is currently thought that the only way to stop British people going out to catch coronavirus and dying is to put the army on the streets have them threaten anyone going out to catch coronavirus and die with being shot and killed.

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