As couples across the country begin their second week of working from home together, divorce lawyers have reported a huge increase in enquiries from spouses suddenly horrified by their current marital status.
Lawyer Simon Williams told us, “Millions of couples never see each other at work. All they hear over dinner are the one-sided stories that either make their partner seem like the hero, or the victim. No-one ever tells you about their day at work being an absolute twat to everyone, or annoying the fuck out of anyone within thirty feet of your desk.
“Well, what’s happened over the last week is that people have been forced to work so close to their partners that they can actually see and hear the other person in action – and it isn’t pretty.”
Sales Manager Rob Matthews told us, “Me and the wife have been working at home together this week and it’s been a bit of an eye-opener.
“She gets about five postcodes posher when she’s on the phone for work. It’s like she’s auditioning for Downton Abbey, not try to cancel a stationary order for a now-empty office.
“I didn’t realise I’d married Hyacinth Bucket. And the fake laugh she does when she’s trying to get her way? Fuck me, it makes me want to rip my ears off.”
Rob’s wife Mandy told us, “It’s been seven days and I’m ashamed to admit I never realised how much of an insufferable prick Rob clearly is when he’s at work.
“He’s precisely the sort of knob everyone in the office hates. He’s all arse-kissy with the boss, but then proceeds to be an absolute twat to anyone who works for him.
“I have let him repeatedly touch my vagina, what the actual fuck?”
Williams is confident of arranging a quicky divorce for the Matthews’ and millions like them.