Monday 23 March 2020

Covid-19 claims Harvey Weinstein consented to infection


Harvey Weinstein has covid-19

After convicted sex offender Harvey Weinstein was revealed to have Covid-19, the disease has been quick to explain that it was a completely consensual infection.

With many criticising the coronavirus related disease for forcing itself into Weinstein’s system, Covid-19 hit back by saying that although it definitely infected Weinstein, it did so with Weinstein’s explicit permission.

Covid-19 told us, “We know that the one thing Harvey craves more than anything right now is the sympathy of the public, and we simply explained that we were in a unique position to make that happen for him.

“That’s not a threat, obviously. And it’s certainly not coercion. We just explained that we could give him what he wanted if he gave us what we wanted. Everything was completely consensual and we both knew what we were getting out of this.

“We got to go deep inside him, and he gets the sort of sympathetic publicity that could really help what remains of career.  It’s the very definition of win-win.”

Critics have insisted that Weinstein’s ‘choice’ wasn’t a real choice, given the nature of the Coronavirus is such that you can’t change your mind once you’re locked in a room with it.

A spokesperson for Weinstein said, “Harvey was made to feel like he had no real choice at all, and once the coronavirus is there in front of you there’s not a lot you can do to get away.

“We hope that people will see Harvey for what he is, which is the real victim here. Obviously.”

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