Sunday 22 March 2020 by Chris Ballard

‘We shall walk on the beaches, we shall walk on the breeding grounds’ says idiot invoking Blitz spirit to avoid social distancing


Man not self-isolating

An utter twat thinks Churchillian rhetoric is an effective defence against Covid-19, according to reports today.

Many British people seem to think that social isolation in the face of the coronavirus is tantamount to waving the white flag.

“My grandfather was alive during World War Two,” said plucky Brit Simon Williams. “Do you think he stayed indoors every time he heard an air raid siren?

“Social isolation!” he scoffed. “Never heard anything so snowflakey. Don’t people realise we’re British?!”

Simon then puffed up his chest and did his best Churchill impression.

“Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous states have fallen or may fall into the grip of the coronavirus and all the odious apparatus of draconian government rules, we shall not flag or fail.

“We shall go on socialising to the end!

“We shall go on caravan holidays in France, we shall cruise on the seas and oceans, we shall fly with growing flatulence and growing intemperance in the air; we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be.

“We shall walk on the beaches, we shall walk on the breeding grounds, we shall drink in the fields and in the streets, we shall hike in the hills; we shall never surrender!

“And if, which I do not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were feverish and coughing, then our expats beyond the seas, harmed and retarded by Beefeater Gin, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the Costa Del Sol, with all its Take That tribute acts and bars showing Only Fools and Horses, steps forth to the rescue and the inebriation of Great Britain!”

What a wanker.

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