Friday 20 March 2020 by Lucas Wilde

“Why is everyone panic buying?” asks moron who has shared photos of empty shelves and long shop queues


Confused man complaining about panic buying

A moron has today failed to realise he the cause of his own problem.

Simon Williams, 48, has been fairly active on social media, sharing photos of massive queues outside supermarkets, empty supermarket shelves, hand sanitiser being sold for twenty quid and several videos of people fighting over food.

“I just don’t understand where this sheer level of hysteria is coming from!” commented Simon, who was born with a crippling lack of self-awareness.

“I mean look at this. These two women are punching each other over a tub of milk powder. Ridiculous. I don’t know why they’re panicking so much.

“I’m going to share this on my Facebook page, which is visible to many mothers, who are already mildly concerned about this whole thing.

“What? CONTRIBUTING to the panic? Don’ be ridiculous. Everyone knows there are never any consequences from things shared on social media!”

One of Simon’s Facebook friends, Hayley Rice, said “Oh my, is milk powder that scarce now? Geez, I’d best get down the shops. Will one tub do? No…no, four is sensible given the circumstances Simon has shown me.”

Simon countered, “Oh my God Hayley will you STOP? This is exactly what I’m talking about!”

(Serious note from the writer: stop sharing photos and videos of how batshit crazy it is at the supermarkets. Yes, these are extraordinary times, but you’re contributing to a panic. Stop it.)

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