Two-time winner of Supermarket Sweep lands lucrative deal to teach online course for stockpilers

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A former legend of the aisles is coming out of retirement to teach people the most effective methods of tearing around supermarkets and filling their trolley with stuff they almost certainly don’t need.

With a Dale Winton commentary seemingly all that’s missing from a visit to shops this week, former winner Simon Williams has cashed in by offering his unique insights into the techniques required to be a winner in the supermarket.

He told us, “The Supermarket Sweep years were the glory years, if you like – but this seems like now is  the right time to pass my knowledge on to a new generation of shelf shovellers, each looking to make the very most of their frantic visit to the supermarket.”

Williams has teamed up with the Open University to deliver a new online training course which will include modules on the best line to take, how to maintain speed through corners and the much-lauded Tetris Trolley Technique.

He went on, “I’ve been watching these clips of chaos in Asdas and Tescos across the country, and I can’t help but be dismayed the techniques on show. I can see so many schoolboy errors in their performances. No wonder it’s a shitstorm out there, a lot of these amateurs just don’t have any appreciation of the game.”

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With most sporting events cancelled, Sky Sports are currently in talks with Lidl regarding broadcast rights for their in-store CCTV footage, with a view to airing their first live events this weekend, where Simon will join them as a pundit.