Stand-up comedians could be left as much as ten grand in-pocket should the Edinburgh Fringe festival be cancelled due to coronavirus this August.
The horrific amounts will leave some comedians panicking come April as they may have to declare a profit to the taxman, leading to all manner of confusion amongst all those who aren’t Jimmy Carr.
Comic, Simon Williams, said, “This is an utter disgrace. I have worked so hard all year to earn the ten thousand pounds it costs to attend the festival and put on a one-man show for the month.
“It is my God-given right to waste this money on overpriced accommodation and printing flyers that get thrown straight in the bin, if not the floor.
“I mean, what am I supposed to do with this massive wad of cash now, eh?! SPEND it?! I don’t THINK so!
“I’m not allowed to fucking go out, am I!”
Meanwhile, Edinburgh residents have insisted they are looking forward to an August in their city that is entirely arsehole-free.