US President and insane despot Donald Trump has introduced new measures to prevent the spread of coronavirus, chief amongst them is the recommendation to always wear a hat.
“Well look, we’ve seen a lot of people who aren’t wearing hats get the coronavirus,” explained the President, possibly while high.
“So, you know, I think everyone should wear a hat. I mean, that just makes sense, doesn’t it?
“I don’t know if science has got there yet or not but it seems like, to me, wearing a hat could be the key thing. And a lot of people are saying how good I am doing virus things, so this seems like the way to go folks.”
Mr Trump suggested that, whilst a red ‘Make America Great Again’ hat was preferable, any hat would work just as well.
“Oh sure, a baseball cap, a straw hat, a top hat, a helmet with a spike.
“It doesn’t matter folks, it really doesn’t. Just wear make sure you wear a hat at all times and you will not get coronavirus.”
Mr Trump went on to say that whilst he wasn’t making the wearing of a hat a legal requirement, he may well be forced to in weeks to come
“Do I think that the police should automatically shoot people who aren’t wearing hats? No, I don’t think we’re there yet.
“But you don’t know what will happen in a few weeks, you really don’t.”
Other measures introduced by Mr Trump to curb the spread of coronavirus included making toads illegal, requiring radio stations to play Aerosmith’s Dude Looks Like a Lady every hour, and being as racist and xenophobic as possible.