Friday 13 March 2020 by Pete Redfern

Boris reassures public that the body bags for Coronavirus victims will be ‘passport blue’


body bags to be patriotic blue

After telling the nation that some of their loved ones will die after contracting Covid-19, the Prime Minister has today reassured them that they will at least be kept in patriotic body bags.

Addressing reporters in Downing Street earlier, the Prime Minister said, “The bulk buying of body bags shows how prepared and committed this government is to sacrificing some other people’s lives in the fight against Coronavirus.

“As I said in my press conference, some of you will lose loved ones. And what better way to send them off than in a lovely jolly-proud-to-be-English blue body bag, eh?”

He went on, “In order to make any unexpected sudden increase in deaths look more patriotic to the outside world, I have demanded that the body bags be a shade of blue that will match our new passports. We’ll also add the royal coat of arms for the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland.

“Yes, your patriotic blue passport will take you on most of your trips, but your blue body bag will take you on your last one.

“Then your corpse can lie on a trolley in a crowded hospital corridor shrouded in the sovereign colour of our proud nation.”

Rational human Simon Williams, who couldn’t give a shit what colour his passport or body bag is, responded, “I’d rather the government implemented a proper plan to reduce the spread of the Coronavirus, rather than just letting so many of us die.

“And those bags look more like they are black than blue to me, anyway.”

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