Thursday 12 March 2020

Man delighted by email from Nigerian Prince about inheriting 25 million toilet rolls


Man inherits 25 million toilet rolls

Local man Simon Williams has inherited 25 million toilet rolls off a Nigerian Prince, according to an email he’s just received.

The mail, from The Reverend Minister-colonel Msumbe Akowole, reveals that a bank vault stuffed with bog paper in Lagos has been left to Simon in the Prince’s will – and all he needs to do to access it is send 50 rolls of Andrex to facilitate the transfer.

“Honestly, this couldn’t have happened at a better time,” a jubilant Simon told us.

“The only stuff left at my local Tesco is that shiny stuff that acts like a plasterers trowel, so almost a hundred tons of triple-ply extra-soft luxury tissue will keep me going until this panic is over. I might even be able to help out my family and some close friends, it’s nice to be able to that when you get this lucky.

“I didn’t even know I had a Nigerian uncle who was both a Prince and a successful millionaire businessman, but it doesn’t seem all that unlikely – I’m so clever that I expect brains like mine run in the family.”

Simon has replied to the email with his Tesco delivery account login details so the process of delivering the log-paper for him to log on can begin.

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