Thursday 12 March 2020 by Chris Ballard

Huge relief as man coughing in public revealed to be choking


man choking not coughing

A coughing man caused panic today before people in the immediate vicinity realised he was merely choking to death.

It’s your worst fear – no matter how many times you wash your hands, and no matter how high-spec your face mask, someone riddled with Covid-19 will come along and cough the virus directly into your tear ducts.

Customers in a London café this afternoon thought that very scenario had come to pass.

“It was terrifying,” said coffee drinker Simon Williams. “It was lunchtime so the café was pretty busy – at least thirty people in close proximity to each other.

“This guy suddenly started having a heavy coughing fit. It wasn’t just a throat clearance but a terrible hacking that went on for a couple of minutes.

“People started screaming, covering their faces with napkins or pulling jumpers over their heads.

“A young mother overturned a table and pulled her children down to shelter behind it.

“An elderly lady combat rolled out of the door before receiving her drink.

“But then the coughing guy started to turn purple and it gradually dawned on us that he couldn’t breathe because he had something stuck in his throat.

“Oh how we hooted when we realised how silly we’d all been! Several customers started crying with a mixture of uncontrollable laughter and relief.

“Anyway, the guy keeled over and the barista dragged him out the back while the manager called for an ambulance.

“All’s well that ends well. This coronavirus is making us all so paranoid!”

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