COVID-19 can easily be stopped in its tracks by one good guy with a bigger, more powerful and deadly virus, according to the National Rifle Association this afternoon.
NRA members at the US Institute For Justifying Guns Any Which Way We Can in Texas found that, once again, you just need a good guy with a more powerful weapon to stop the threat in its tracks.
“Sure, COVID-19 is pretty bad, and poses a great threat to the country” explained spokesman Chuck Williams, dangerously waving an assault rifle around for no apparent reason.
“And if someone comes towards you with a runny nose or who looks vaguely Chinese then you’re going to be worried for your safety. Well, you can stop it in its tracks by simply seeing it off with a good old dose of Ebola.
“Ebola is the viral equivalent of this beautiful AR-15 assault rifle I’m holding here before you, in that it will kill a lot of people in a confined space very quickly, and largely indiscriminately.
“Americans should be able to weild Ebola wherever they see fit, precisely as it says in the constitution. Somewhere.”
He went on, “It’s our God-given right as Americans to defend ourselves against the fella with Coronavirus, and he won’t stand a chance in hell against a good guy with Ebola. That shit will neutralise the threat, for sure.
“Now we just need a few patriotic, fearless Americans to volunteer themselves to protect and to serve their nation by contracting Ebola.