Monday 9 March 2020 by Arabin Patson

Medical genius Donald Trump discovers that COVID-19 infection numbers go down when you don’t test for it


Donald Trump on testing for covid-19

In a shocking revelation, Lasker prize nominee and renowned polymath Donald Trump has shared his incredible discovery that the rate of coronavirus infections can be slowed down dramatically simply by not testing for it.

Fox News science consultant, Pr Simon Williams (DBS) of Bob Jones University, said that the breakthrough was nothing short of revolutionary.

“It’s a game-changer. All other countries in the world have based their response on weird things like germs, antiviral treatment and other weird stuff that you can’t see with your good Christian eyes.

“But thankfully, our nation has a man who approached the problem with a radical perspective of someone who is ignorant of, indeed hostile to, any kind of peer-reviewed science.

“We can also thank our Lord and Savior that we live in a blessed land where a trip to the doctor can bankrupt you and we have no national requirement for sick leave. Everybody will be going to work, church and Republican rallies. Praise be to Donald!”

The discovery has resulted in a new containment protocol being rolled out across the nation and has so far proved highly effective in keeping the numbers of infected down.

It is expected that the US will be completely free of coronavirus within 2 months although there will be a slight spike in people dying in their homes of a rather nasty cough.

In response to a WHO statement labelling Donald Trump’s assertions as “criminally fucktarded”, the White House explained that Americans were not easily cowed by mortality figures into changing their habits, as the 40,000 yearly gun deaths show.

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