Monday 9 March 2020

Experts claim that Coronavirus can be prevented by reading NewsThump


Read newsthump to prevent coronavirus

Experts are today insisting that Coronavirus cannot infect people who read NewsThump, and we’re happy saying that because apparently people will believe any old rubbish.

As the number of cases in the UK continues to rise, various ‘cures’ and ‘preventions’ have gone viral on social media, though the only one you should absolutely trust is this one.

Expert in this sort of thing, Simon Williams, told us, “We have observed a small sample group of people reading NewsThump stories on their phone, and after tests not one single member of that group had Coronavirus. Not one!

“The only logical conclusion to make is that people who read NewsThump are for some reason immune to the Coronavirus – checkmate virologists!”

Worried residents of the UK have asked how they might get access to NewsThump, and have been told that access is completely free, and it can be found at https://newsthump.com in pretty much any browser and on any device.

Williams went on, “Having such an effective preventative measure available for free over the Internet is an absolute godsend. I don’t think people with the Internet on their phone realise how lucky they are to have NewsThump at their fingertips.

“In addition, we also believe there might be a relationship between the strength your resistance to Coronavirus, and how many articles you have read on the NewsThump site.

“At this point, we would advise everyone to be a little over-cautious and read a minimum of twenty-five NewsThump articles.  A day. At least until the crisis is over.”

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