Friday 6 March 2020 by Davywavy

Woman uses ‘stockpiling’ as an excuse to buy all the easter eggs in the shop


chocolate panic-buying

37-year-old Simone Williams has cleared the shelves of Malteser and Galaxy easter eggs as part of her ‘stockpiling for Coronavirus’.

Not previously considered a ‘prepper’, Simone made the decision to stock up when she realised there was an opportunity to lock the door and tell everyone to fuck off for a week – and wasted no time in putting her plan into action.

Speaking to us round a mouthful of Green and Black’s Montezuma premium dark chocolate egg, Simone said she was ‘dead worried and stuff’ about Coronavirus and was taking steps to self-isolate for a week with a stack of seasonal confectionery and a Jane Austen DVD box set.

“I can’t risk infecting my family so I’ve sent them all round to my mum’s for a few days until I’m sure I’m clear,” she said, despite there being no evidence she’s got actually anything infectious.

“And it’s important to keep hydrated during periods of crisis which is why I’ve made sure I’ve plenty of easter eggs and gin for the difficult times ahead.

“Pray for me, everyone.”

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