The Coronavirus will not be an issue for much longer thanks to the cash-rich NHS, according to the government.
The Covid-19 virus, which began in China last December and has caused chaos as it has spread rapidly around the globe, is expected to be easily eradicated by a National Health Service that thanks to Brexit now has so much money it almost doesn’t know what to do with it.
Health Secretary Matt Hancock, who is an expert in the many benefits of leaving the EU, told reporters, “I think it is safe to say that without Brexit, and the heaps of money pouring into the NHS as a result, this virus would have presented a big problem for the country.
“But with all this cash flooding into the service to invest in crucial medicines, and the additional fifty thousand nurses to nurse the victims back to health, we’ll soon see this thing off with ease.
“Boris Johnson is not only a genius for promising that extra £350 million per week all those years ago, but to actually deliver it at our hour of need should earn him a knighthood.”
At a press conference this morning Prime Minister Boris Johnson explained, “We will contain and eradicate this virus within a few weeks, and get a global vaccine out there quicker than you can say ‘oven-ready Brexit deal’.
“When I said the NHS would get an extra £350 million per week, I meant it. I take these kind of promises as seriously my marriage vows.”