Thursday 5 March 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Government advises using witchcraft to boost immunity during coronavirus epidemic


witchcraft recommended to coronavirus

The government has advised people to boost their immunity using witchcraft in order to stave off the Covid-19 coronavirus.

Along with singing a nice song whilst washing your hands, there are a wide variety of spells and magic charms that can be used to prevent the spread of the virus.

“Witchcraft and magicks are certainly our main hope now to contain the new coronavirus,” explained Matt Hancock, a little boy whose Dad got him a summer job and saw things spiral out of control.

“Simply pop some frogs breath in a cauldron with some spider eyes and some water from the lungs of a drowned man then say abracadabra and you’ve got a nice potion to stave off disease and pox.”

Mr Hancock also recommended making use of any local wise-women and following their advice.

“If you aren’t confident with spells and potions,” he continued.

“I would recommend heading off into the woods until you come across a tumbledown cottage. Inside you should find a local wise woman who, after crossing her palm with silver, should be able to brew up a magic potion for you and your family.

“That also has the added bonus of giving a boost to one of the local industries we’re hoping to focus on in post-Brexit Britain.”

With the use of Witchcraft and magicks, the government is confident that the new coronavirus won’t prove too detrimental to the country.

If witchcraft and magicks fail, however, the Government could struggle to come up with a viable alternative.

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