The EU trade deal talks have begun with the UK representatives striking a belligerent tone.
The UK’s chief negotiator David Frost (not that one) is said to have marched into the room and spent several minutes going round the room saying ‘you’re a c**t, and you’re a c**t. You’re definitely a c**t,’ to every member of the EU negotiating team.
He then accused Michel Barnier, the EU chief negotiator, of ‘looking me funny’, and punched him in the face.
A scuffle continued for a few minutes before one of the UK team was able to pull Mr Frost away from Mnr Barnier, shouting “leave it Dave, he’s not worth it!”.
Despite the unorthodox beginning to the trade talks Boris Johnson threw his full support behind David Frost.
“What the EU need to understand is that the UK is a proud nation and will not allow itself to be pushed around,” said the Prime Minister.
“If that means calling everyone a c**t and punching Michel Barnier in the face then so be it.
“That’s just the rough and tumble of top-level international trade negotiations.”
It is understood that Mr Frost plans to escalate his strident and forthright position on Day 2 of trade talks by smashing a window, shitting in the bin and walking out whilst doing the ‘wanker’ sign at the EU team.
It is hoped that the UK’s tone will unsettle the EU and force them to accede to trade terms favourable to the UK and definitely not grow increasingly tired with the UK’s immature and pathetic behaviour and simply abandon the talks leaving the UK to fend for itself.