Boris Johnson’s wedding vows to include ‘forsaking all others.. unless you get cancer’

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Boris Johnson’s wedding vows will include a caveat that will allow him to cheat on his next wife, if she gets cancer like his last wife.

After developing something of a track record for moving in with other women when his wife has cancer, the prime minister is doing his utmost to make sure it doesn’t cause a problem next time he does it.

A Downing Street spokesperson told us, “Boris will obviously love Carrie, that is a given, but he needs to give himself some wiggle room in case things don’t go quite as he’d like them to.

“I mean, what if she gets some ghastly illness like his last wife – should he really be expected to stay at home with her and the children to help her fight it, or should he move on to shack up with a 30-something PR executive who is happy to do that thing he really likes with the vegetables?

“And before you ask, yes, he’s removing the ‘in sickness and in health bit’, and replacing it with ‘ have and to hold, from this day forward, as long as you’re still attractive and don’t get all annoying like the last one.’

“No, Carrie doesn’t mind – it’s not like she’s unaware of circumstances of their relationship.  She’s going in with her eyes wide open, so she’ll be doing everything she can not to get a disease that can kill people, and to make sure all of his new assistants are male.

“Beyond that, her job is to smile and look happy because she’s having the one child Boris will be happy using in publicity photos.”