Avoid Coronavirus by just being patriotic, thinking optimistically and ignoring experts, instructs Boris

author avatar by 4 years ago

Following an emergency COBRA meeting, Downing Street has revealed their ingenious plan to stop the spread of Coronavirus.

After meeting with high-ranking members of the emergency services, senior civil servants and health advisors, Boris Johnson has ignored their advice and instead issued a statement telling citizens of the UK to just be a bit more bloody patriotic.

“This is Brexit Britain, and we will not be cowed by the prospect of an invasion of a disease with a bloody silly foreign name. We will look it right in the eye, yell ‘Up Yours!’ and then proceed to give it a jolly good thrashing.”

He went on, “You can’t just start panicking and crying over a little bug that you can’t see and probably won’t kill you.

“Be more optimistic! I urge everyone today to be more patriotic, and not become snivelling little moaning minnies. This disease can be seen off with a good full English breakfast, a few pints of warm ale and some strawberries and cream, mark my words.”

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He concluded, “We’ve seen off the EU and now stand on our own two feet, ready to face anything.

“Although I do wish some of those EU doctors and nurses had stayed and not gone home. I suspect we might need them.”

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