New hairdo really shows off Priti Patel’s horns

author avatar by 4 years ago

Home Secretary and catastrophically unpleasant human being Priti Patel yesterday debuted a stunning new hairstyle seemingly designed to really accentuate her natural horns.

A daring new layered bob, it is bang on trend for 2020, and is the first time Ms Patel has chosen a style that doesn’t try to de-emphasise her natural horns.

“It’s spectacular,” explained Simon Williams, a fashion and hairstyle blogger who seems to believe that’s a proper job for a grown-up.

“It’s a look that says – ‘I’m here, I’m me, and I’m proud about being the spawn of Satan’.”

Like many leading Tories from the last few years, Ms Patel was brought into being by an unholy union between a human and demon.

Her horns grew in at puberty, and they initially proved a source of embarrassment at school, with some of the other pupils teasing her about her horned appearance.

However, that soon stopped when she used her burgeoning demonic powers to consign those other children to a lifetime of poverty and misery.

Something she has continued to do in her political life.

She is, of course, not the only member of the cabinet with satanic physical attributes – Dominic Raab is well-known in fashionable shoe shops for his cloven hooves, Michael Gove is fanged, and Boris Johnson himself has to spend half an hour each morning folding a set of leathery wings into his suit.

With this new hairstyle, it looks like Ms Patel is leading a vanguard of fashion-forward ministers who are so comfortable with their demonic nature that they’re making it a part of their everyday style.

Sadly though, it seems she is still not as entirely comfortable with her natural Sulphurous odour as she is with her horns, as recently evidenced by the delivery of six gallons of Channel No 5 to her London home.