Monday 24 February 2020 by Arabin Patson

All jingoistic wank will now be manufactured in Poland, admits government


Government outsources production

The government has revealed that, for reasons of cost efficiency, all pathetic xenophobic gestures designed to placate cretinous racists will in the future be created and developed by Polish workers in the employ of a French company.

Speaking for the Home Office, spokesperson Simon Williams said that the move might upset some, but the decision to outsource rabid nationalism represented value for money and would ensure a constant supply of high-quality bigotry.

He went on, “The British people voted to be able to unleash their inner xenophobe, free from Brussels’ meddling or European standards of common decency.

“Of course, we would love for the meaningless symbols of our insecure hatred of foreigners to be made by ruddy-cheeked Sun readers who think that their parents successfully fucking is an achievement that should be praised by all.

“But unfortunately British xenophobes do tend to consistently fuck-up the estimates and we would prefer our ridiculous proclamations of English exceptionalism to be free of spelling mistakes.

“Also we really need to watch the pennies. Trust me, I’ve seen the Treasury forecasts.”

In Gdansk, Head of Production for Ces Cons d’Anglais Ltd, Tadeusz Wolinsky, insisted that his workforce would produce the highest quality hateful tat for hypertensive Brits who have somehow convinced themselves they fought on D-day despite being born in 1958.

He explained “It’s actually a rather simple formula. Just base stuff on ‘ancient football rivalries’, that the other side is not even aware of, and stereotypes of Europeans that stopped having any connection to reality sometime around 1972.

“As for style, we use your horrifically tasteless commemorative plates to get a sense of how mawkish and utterly devoid of aesthetics you like your symbols to be.

“Your money is lovely though. Dziękuję!”

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