Vivaldi’s Four Seasons reduced to Two in light of climate change

Antonio Vivaldi’s Four Seasons concerti will now consist of just two seasons, because that’s all there are these days.

The conductor of the London Philharmonic Orchestra Simon Williams commented, “The current generation doesn’t really understand the idea of four different seasons of weather, so in a bid to appeal to a modern audience we’ve updated the concerti to be more representative of 300 years of environmental damage.

“Overall, the suite will be much more discordant and unpredictable. The part representing winter will be doubled in length and feature woodwind solos to signify the yearly rising of floodwaters. A choir of scientists will sing the aria ‘Te Lo Abbiamo Detto’ (We Told You So).

“Spring and autumn will be done away with altogether.

“Summer has also been greatly extended, as has the ‘languor caused by the heat’ bit, occasionally broken up strings phrases to represent next door’s kids on the trampoline.”