Downing Street has announced that Prime Minister Boris Johnson will visit flood-hit areas of the country just as soon as he’s completed Pokemon Sword.
“Boris got a brand new Switch from his mum for Christmas,” explained a Number 10 source.
“He’s completely addicted, he went through Super Mario Odyssey in a week.
“To be honest, it’s been quite handy. He was so addicted to that Zelda game that Dom could get on with sorting out the reshuffle in peace.”
The announcement comes after a week of criticism for Boris not visiting people affected by floods and various leaked excuses such as ‘his foot hurts’ and ‘he doesn’t know where Wales is’.
“Yes,” continued the source.
“It hasn’t been handled well, but rest assured that his mum has washed his hi-vis vest and polished his wellies and as soon as he’s finished Pokemon, he’ll be there.”
Simon Williams is the sort of credulous simpleton who votes Tory.
“I think it’s fair enough,” he said, predictably.
“I mean, he’s Prime Minister of the country. He’s got to be really good at Nintendo or it’d be really embarrassing.
“Imagine if he had a game of Super Smash Bros with Vladimir Putin and he kept getting kicked off the screen, it would make me ashamed to be British.
“So, go on Boris! Catch ‘em all for Britain!”