Wednesday 19 February 2020

Chris Grayling goes into hiding after hearing government will keep ‘low-skilled workers’ out of the country


Chris Grayling into hiding

Former Transport Secretary Chris Grayling has gone into hiding after the government announced plans to deny work visas for non-skilled workers after Brexit.

Grayling, who has a long track record of performing as if he is entirely bereft of any discernable skills whatsoever, is ‘unreachable’ according to friends, and has no intention of reappearing any time soon.

Home Secretary Priti Patel today outlined a new points-based immigration policy that will see those without valuable skills denied the right to work in post-Brexit Britain.

Grayling told our source, from his secret hideaway, “That bitch Priti has been after me for years, and as soon as I heard she was going after the low-skilled I knew she was coming for me. It’s obvious.

“I supposed I’m partly to blame – it’s like pastor Martin Niemöller sort-of said, first they came for the immigrants, and I said nothing – and now here they are, coming for people with no skills and I’m absolutely fucked.”

A government spokesperson said the policy is not actually designed to try and get Chris Grayling out of the country, but that if he wants to stay hidden for the rest of his parliamentary term, then that would be perfectly acceptable.

A Downing Stree source told us, “Yes, we’d rather there were fewer low-skilled workers coming into the country, but the ones we’ve produced ourselves are perfectly safe, unfortunately.

“Chris will be fine, and let’s be honest, if he’s trying his absolutely best to remain hidden then we all know he’ll turn up found, probably on fire, some time before dinner.”

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