Thursday 13 February 2020 by Jojo

Tory MP decides to ‘do the right thing’ after government policy affects him personally


Sajid Javid resigns to do the right thing

Sajid Javid has resigned from the cabinet on principle, explaining he had no option but to ‘do the right thing’ after discovering a harmful policy that affected him personally.

Historians claim it is the first documented instance of a Tory politician voluntarily ‘doing the right thing’, though others claim it doesn’t count because ultimately he only did the right thing because he realised he would suffer himself, rather than see suffering among the public at large.

“Do motives matter? Or is the very fact that a Tory did the right thing all that matters?” asked philosopher Simon Williams.

“It’s a question for the ages. Should someone be congratulated for doing the right thing when that decision was ultimately driven by self-interest?

“Probably, yes. But what if ‘doing the right thing’ doesn’t actually benefit anyone but yourself? It’s a very interesting area.

“One of my colleagues has hypothesised that more Tories might be inclined to ‘do the right thing’ if any of them were even remotely affected by the policies they advocate. It’s an interesting idea, certainly.”

Meanwhile, voters in Tory heartlands are insisting that the party has had a lucky escape, given someone with ‘principles’ was allowed to rise to such a prominent position within the party.

Surrey-based local Conservative councillor Derek Matthews told us, “We can’t have government ministers going around willy-nilly making decisions based on what they think is the right thing to do – what are we, bloody Marxists?

“Thank God he outed himself before he got to do any real damage. I’ll bet his budget would have been full of give-aways for poor people.”

Javid himself has begun the process of rehabilitating his shattered reputation, penning an open letter that said, “Rest assured, I am still a selfish twat who cares not one jot for the less fortunate amongst you.

“Given the chance, I would happily return to government and demonstrate my complete lack of empathy for those struggling throughout society.

“I hope to see you all soon.”

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