Thursday 13 February 2020

Sajid Javid packing up his office while serenaded by the world’s smallest violin

Sajid Javid

Sajid Javid is currently packing up his office at 11 Downing Street, serenaded by the world’s smallest violin.

Just hours after resigning as Chancellor, becoming only the second Chancellor in history never to deliver a budget, Javid is consoling himself with the fact that literally nobody feels sorry for him.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “It’s a difficult one, I think Dominic Cummings is a bastard, Boris is a wanker, and Sajid Javid is a twat.  So how are you supposed to feel when a bastard convinces a wanker to fuck over a twat?  Happy, I think? I’m certainly not experiencing any sympathy towards him.

“I suppose taking a side here is a bit like Sophie’s Choice, except in this case you really despise both of the kids.”

Meanwhile, experts have predicted that a man with a background in banking and selling the very products that caused the financial crisis, and of lying to the public on a regular basis, will have no trouble whatsoever in gaining meaningful employment.

Consultant Damian Walden-Smythe told us, “With a track record like his, I’d imagine he’ll be in demand by every snake oil firm on the planet.

“He’ll be able to take his pick!”

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