US legal system set for overhaul after nation sees benefit of ignoring evidence and witnesses

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The US legal system is set to become even more efficient after the Senate demonstrated the effectiveness of ignoring evidence and witnesses when conducting a trial.

After Donald Trump was acquitted by a Senate full of people who would be worse off if he was found guilty, legal experts are hailing the effectiveness of ignoring the many peripheral issues that add lengthy delays to so many trials, such as ‘evidence’ and ‘witnesses to the crime’.

Attorney General Chuck Williams told us, “What we’ve seen in the Senate impeachment trial is how quickly we can get to a result that we all like when we ignore anything that might lead to an outcome we don’t like.

“Yes, we get it, if the prosecution was allowed to bring in witnesses to a crime, or more evidence of a crime, then it’s much more likely that the jurors are going to think a crime was committed – and how is that in the national interest?

“I think we’ve proven with this impeachment trial that simply doing away with irrelevances such as evidence and witnesses, we can reach an acceptable verdict far quicker than ever before. This is something many, many people are telling us they would like us to apply in all criminal trials across the country.”

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Williams went on to admit that further efficiencies in the legal system could be modelled on the Senate trial.

He said, “I think criminal trials could be conducted even more quickly if we make sure that juries only contain people who have a vested interest in the accused being acquitted.

“When you think about it, making sure the jurors have no connection to the accused whatsoever is obviously going to drag things out a bit.  I’ve no idea why we’ve done it that way for so long.

“We’ll get that fixed, don’t you worry. It’s the Trump way.”