Wednesday 5 February 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump hails availability of air, light, and water under his Presidency


Donald Trump state of the union

Donald Trump has used his annual State of the Union address to hail the availability of air, light, and water under his Presidency.

“For the first time in history, all Americans have had access to air,” he said.

“Under the terrible mismanagement of Obama, of course, people had to go to certain special parts of their towns and cities to breath in and out.

“Under my Presidency, that air is just available to everyone. So, you’re welcome, America.”

The President also pointed out his achievements with light.

“Pretty much half the day, there is light everywhere, for everyone. The Do-nothing Dems would cut that to two hours, give free light to immigrant terrorists and raise your taxes to do so.”

Water, he said, was available in a variety of forms.

“Oceans, lakes, steams, rain. That’s all water folks. That’s not going anywhere under Donald Trump.”

In an address that sometimes felt more like an election rally, the President listed a variety of his other achievements such as owning the libs, Twitter, and reducing his golf handicap.

Whilst the address would have gone down very well with his Republican base, Democrats took a different view.

Nancy Pelosi, the House Speaker was so incensed by the speech that she ripped up her copy, spat on it, urinated on it and then set it on fire.

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