Tuesday 4 February 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Priti Patel to solve terrorism by making terrorists spend more time with other terrorists


Priti Patel on comating terrorism

Home Secretary and dead-eyed maniac Priti Patel has today announced her cunning plan to defeat radical terrorism in Britain.

Her ingenious idea is to lock up convicted terrorists with other convicted terrorists, for longer.

“Locking up terrorists for longer is the obvious solution,” said Patel, her eyes betraying no obvious sign of humanity.

“These recent attacks only happened because these terrorists were let out after two years, instead of three years as they would under my recommendations. That extra year is ever-so-important in deradicalising them.

“And we’ll also be putting them in with other terrorists who, let’s face it, aren’t very nice people and so that is a real deterrent.

“I want a maniac with a knife and suicide vest hell-bent on murder to further an ideology he believes in from the core of his being to just stop, and rationally think for a moment before carrying out a terrorist attack.

“He should ask himself before he launches his desperate suicide attack – do I want to be locked away with a load of other terrorists? Sounds scary – the only conclusion hell have is to go home instead.”

The only possible flaw in Patel’s ingenious plan is that locking up terrorists with other terrorists for longer could turn prison into a sort of terrorism conference in which the terrorists become further radicalised and form strong bonds and networks.

Happily, the clearly insane Home Secretary had considered that eventuality.

“Well, obviously I have a plan for terrorists who attempt to further their terrorist goals whilst in prison,” she said confidently.

“We’ll just lock them up in prison for even longer.”

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