‘Naughty’ Norman Price has been added to anti-terror watch lists after ‘causing more shizz than ISIS’ in the Welsh village of Ponypandy, it has emerged.
The paperboy, who is understood to be behind a spate of ‘accidental’ arson incidents stretching back decades which have caused millions in property damage to the village, was added to the MI5 high-risk register after being brought to their attention by concerned residents.
Price, 9, has waged a campaign of terror against local residents for decades, which include painting a cat blue and extensive property damage to fresh laid concrete and kitchen utensils.
“Seriously, we don’t understand how he gets away with it,” said one local who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals.
“Lighting fires and tormenting animals are red-flags for identifying a psychopath.
“If he had a beard and shouted ‘Allah Akbar’ whilst doing this stuff the Americans would have had him in Guantanamo with a bag over his head years ago.
“I think he is being protected because he’s the illegitimate son of the local fireman – they’re the only two gingers in the village – but don’t dare say so publicly in case my garage gets burned down.
“Don’t print that.”