Wednesday 29 January 2020 by Pete Redfern

‘Got Brexit Done’ tea towels also perfect for mopping up those Remoaner tears, confirms government


Got Brexit Done

A tea towel released to celebrate the Brexit victory on Friday will be perfect for whingeing remoaners to use to mop up their tears, the Conservatives have today confirmed.

The tea towels, which Tory Party HQ are selling for the bargain price of only £12 each, have an image of Boris Johnson and the phrase ‘Got Brexit Done’ on a gold banner above the Union flag.

“We brought these out to celebrate our victory and freedom from the oppressive Nazis – er, I mean European Union – which will take place this Friday” explained Tory spokesperson Simon Williams, beaming with the worst kind of nationalist pride.

“They will look right at home in every proper white Englishman’s kitchen, ready to be used by every proper, white, subservient Englishwoman.”

He continued, “Leave voters will love them, naturally.

“But remoaners will also benefit from them, as they can use them to mop up all the tears they will be quite rightly weeping on Friday over the loss of their freedom of movement, the irreparable damage that will be caused to the pound, the damage to Britain’s global reputation, the loss of working rights and conditions, and the inevitable upcoming arrival on their tables of chlorinated chicken.

“So these will please everyone, really.”

The tea towels will be shipped as soon as the five-year-olds in Chinese factories have finished making them, and definitely not in time for 11pm this Friday.

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