Friday 24 January 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Trump impeachment: Senators masturbate and do laundry during trial


Senators misbehaving during Trump impeachment trial

US Senators have been doing laundry, masturbating and breaking other rules during President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial.

Jim Risch and Jim Inhofe were both seen with washing tubs and a stack of laundry, with Inhofe working through a stack of soiled underpants.

Marsha Blackburn, a Tennessee Republican, defended herself after she was seen openly masturbating to a picture of an assault rifle.

“I can enjoy my weapon and listen to proceedings. Busy Mamas are the best at multitasking,” she said, as she washed her hands later.

Presidential hopeful Michael Bennett also gave himself ‘relief’ during proceedings and later tweeted – ‘Trump having to answer for his crimes is a prospect that I, like most patriotic Americans, will find tremendously stimulating so, in a way, I was masturbating on behalf of all America.’

Laptops, tablets and cellphones are regularly seen at Senate hearings but all electronics have been banned from these impeachment proceedings, leaving many Senators struggling during the lengthy testimony.

Pat Leahy, a Democrat, has been passing the time by working on his body-popping skills whereas Rand Paul, a Republican, built a life-size Lego model of himself.

Marco Rubio was even seen getting a tattoo of Trump’s face on his stomach while reading a vintage copy of Playboy.

The Senate is the upper chamber of US Congress and has always prided itself as a hallowed sanctum of decorum.

Perhaps when the semen stains, laundry suds, tattoo needles, legos and Donald Trump have all been cleaned away, it will be considered such once again.

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