Black market kidney sales up 400% as emo kids scramble for My Chemical Romance tickets

author avatar by 4 years ago
NewsThump needs your help

The black market for organ donation is in rude good health this afternoon.

After My Chemical Romance concert tickets went on sale for just two UK dates in June, every emo kid you’ve ever met was literally selling their body in order to raise the funds necessary.

“We are positively drowning in kidneys,” beamed black market organ harvester, Simon Williams.

“There were people queuing round the block- many of which actually looked quite normal. I guess they’re saving the black eyeliner for the actual concert.

“After the 47th kidney we had to start turning people away as we’d literally run out of money. But we’ll make it all back selling these beauties to China once that Corona Virus hits properly.”

NewsThump Best sellers

Jay Cooper, a supposedly ‘former’ emo kid, said, “I literally don’t know what my kidneys are for.

“I’ve never woken up and thought ‘ooh, my kidneys hurt’, so they’re obviously surplus to requirements, like your appendix or toenails.

“…would you like to buy my appendix? I’ve just realised I need to pay for travel as well.”