Wednesday 22 January 2020 by Lucas Wilde

Everyone looking forward to not knowing who Laurence Fox is again


Laurence Fox, who?

The nation is awash with excitement at the prospect of forgetting all about Laurence Fox.

The actor, who you were probably blissfully unaware of until about a week ago, has hit the headlines for denying white privilege, suggesting that anti-racists are the REAL racists and all the other bollocks that Piers Morgan usually pretends to believe for money.

“I wasn’t sure who he was or why he was doing any of this. Someone guessed he was a scientist and someone else reckoned he was the now-adult kid off Home Alone 3. You know, the unfamous one from the unsuccessful sequel who wasn’t Macaulay Culkin” confirmed member of the public, Simon Williams.

“Then it transpired he’s just a normal telly actor, and he had a song coming out, and then it all made sense.

“I’ve heard the song, and it’s bloody awful. So he had to get his name trending somehow to make some money from it as he certainly wasn’t going to hit the charts on musical merit alone.

“It’s kind of funny really as this all started from him suggesting he isn’t privileged, but he’s been allowed to perform music on the television very badly, and to do it badly. I wonder how many not-rich people who didn’t go to public school get to do that?

“I miss the halcyon days of a couple of weeks ago when I didn’t know who the tedious little twat was.

“But in a few weeks time he’ll fade back into obscurity, his ‘song’ having flopped harder than his attempts at being edgy.

“And that will be wonderful, like when a severe cramp in your leg finally goes away.”

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