Deadly Coronavirus nothing to do with piss-poor bottled lager, drinkers reassured

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Concerned fans of piss-poor lager have been reassured that their health is at no risk from drinking the beer, or at least no more than usual.

As the number of confirmed cases and fatalities associated with the Coronavirus continues to rise, and with the UK government announcing that they are to begin monitoring flights from China, there had been concerns raised at a number of local watering holes over the exact nature of the Coronavirus and how it is spread.

From his regular seat in Wetherspoons, lager enthusiast Simon Williams told us this morning, “It’s been a bit of a scare to be honest, mate – when I heard something about Corona and a virus I thought for one dreadful moment that there was an infectious disease at the factory that makes Corona Extra, meaning I couldn’t drink it anymore, and would have to try one of those dreadful ‘real ales’ the old bloke in the local is always going on about.

“But it turns out it’s just a normal deadly and highly infectious disease that has nothing to do with beer at all. It was such a relief!”

Taking a sip from his bottle he concluded, “So after this one at breakfast I’ll be having a further dozen or so bottles of Corona tonight without a care in the world.

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“And that slice of lime they put in the neck counts as one of my five a day, so I’m feeling pretty damn healthy. Cheers!”

WHO spokesperson Christopher James addressed press this morning saying, “I would like to re-iterate to the British public that Corona has nothing to do with this virus.

“We advise you not to drink it, though. It’s not bad for you, in moderation – it just tastes like piss.”