Harry and Meghan’s new titles to be ‘mate’ and ‘love’

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Following the news that Harry and Meghan will no longer use their ‘HRH’ titles, it has been decided that their new titles will be ‘mate’ and ‘love’.

Etiquette experts advise that the correct way to greet the couple using their new titles is, to Harry – ‘Alright mate’ and, to Meghan ‘Hello love.’

The titles do indicate the loss of status inherent in their stepping back from royal duties, although it could have been worse.

“As far as titles go, ‘mate’ and ‘love’ and fine,” explained Simon Williams, an etiquette expert who occasionally appears on This Morning and shouts in a posh voice about table napkins.

“I think their fear would have been having to use titles such as ‘fella’ and ‘sweetheart’ which would have been, frankly, a huge insult to the couple as they truly are the most base of titles.”

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The titles are to be used at all times and can be used in conjunction with the word ‘Oi’ in order to attract attention or the word ‘look’ in order to explain something, possibly in a quite threatening way.

Most helpfully of all, though, the titles can be used with the phrase ‘f**k off’ to indicate that you’ve had quite enough of posh people you’ve never met going on about their lives like it’s of any interest to you.