Festival 2022, dubbed “festival of Brexit” will bring a divided nation together and showcase British mass deportation of non-EU Nationals and other foreigners who have fuck all to do with Brexit, it has emerged.
Festival spokesperson, Simon Williams said, “I’d like you to think London 2012, but with literally millions of participants.
“There will still be a load of foreigners running and swimming, but this time it’s not for international prestige or medals, just their lives.
“There’ll be a sort of triathlon event, but to finish, they swim the channel to France. We can also use the existing ramshackle rafts that some risked their lives escaping war to get here so a white-water rafting event, but with entire families and no life jackets.
“Maybe set up a pole vault event on the edge of the white cliffs of Dover. These are all just off the top of my head. Archery and shooting might be a step too far. We’ll see.
“We want to make it fun and something we can all unite around – and by ‘all,’ I, of course, mean the ‘proper’ Brits, whoever the fuck they are – to collectively see Mr. J. Foreigner, Esq. off with the trusty old Union Jack-boot, once and for all.
“We will start with the festival torch – which is a warm pint of bombardier – being carried between each formerly forgotten and now liberated Engish town.
“Nigel Farage will kick off the grand tour in Hartlepool because his Brexit march was such a roaring success, and let’s face it, we’ve all missed the patriotic bugger, haven’t we gang?
“Best £120 million we’ll ever spend.”