Iran pledges to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the Midwest

author avatar by 4 years ago

The notorious middle-east country Iran has announced a plan to kill thousands of Americans by opening gun stores across the midwest and selling firearms at discount prices.

With an evil cackle, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei told jubilant supporters this plan would result in the deaths of untold thousands of Americans every year.

The new stores will offer discounts of up to 10%, with a guarantee to beat the price of any gun sold at competing vendors and will give loyalty cards offered to anyone buying more than two firearms a year.

Free bullets will be included in the cost of any sale of $200 or more.

The stores will also offer expert tuition in shooting in on-site firing ranges to help ensure their customers never miss.

It is intended the new retail chain will be called ‘All-American Patriot’, and will have an extensive section devoted to easily concealed high calibre weapons with extended magazines.

“In the name of Allah, the great, the merciful, we will sell American pig-dogs high-quality guns at low, low prices,”Ayatollah Khamenei promised the cheering crowd.

“Our prices will be so low you’ll think we’re craaaaaazy!

“With a 5-year warranty and money-back guarantee if anyone shot by one of our guns survives, our rifles, shotguns and pistols will be ideal for firing at other Americans which will save us the trouble.

“They will fall upon each other like the whirlwind, like dogs, smiting each other down, praise be to God.

“More than they are already are, that is,” he added.

The National Rifle Association both welcomed and condemned the plans, saying that it was a God-given right to sell guns to Americans but they’d rather people weren’t so blatant about the consequences, thanks very much.

If the plan is successful, Iran plans to extend their reign of terror and death on the American people by opening thousands of McDonald’s franchises and cutting the price of supersized meals.