US President Donald Trump has clarified his threat to Iranian cultural sites, insisting he thought he was referring to the place the Ayatollah keeps his bongo mags.
After walking back on previous threats to attack cultural sites, Trump explained that in the White House, the special cultural site is the room where he keeps his selection of Playboys from 1953-1997.
The gold room is off-limits to the current Mrs Trump, and is the place where the President goes when he is in need of some culture, to relax after a challenging day – such as one spent playing golf or starting a war on Twitter.
After many international observers explained that attacking cultural sites would be a war crime, Trump himself tweeted that he was delighted the international community held porno mags in such high regard.
However, after a hastily-convened meeting in the Oval Office, White House officials have been quick to clarify the situation.
As one official explained, “When the President threated Iran’s cultural sites, he was clearly threatening their access to wank-mags, not monuments of significant historical value.
“No-one cares about old buildings, so what’s the point attacking them, but the President knows from personal experience that having your jazz mags confiscated – even for a small amount of time – is the absolute worst thing that can happen to a man.
“He remains confident that the threat will have the desired effect.
“He would have liked to come here and speak to you himself, because he had some urgent work to do in his own cultural site and we’re under strict instruction not to disturb him.”