Tuesday 7 January 2020 by Frances Ward

Man eating his kids’ selection boxes for lunch


Man eating chocolate for lunch

A father of two is tucking into his lunch of pure chocolate – courtesy of the Christmas selection boxes gifted to his children – in what he seems to believe is an earnest act of sacrifice on his part.

Simon Williams considered the confiscation of the main elements of Cadbury’s favourites in a box, on the basis that they were wholly unsuitable for his respective 3 and 5-year-olds but completely justifiable as office lunch for a 46-year-old grown man.

Williams commented, “It’s for their own good. They get enough shit at school without adding greasy chubsters to the list. Anyway, it’s not as if I didn’t let them have any.

“I gave them the Fudges. They’re proper rancid. And the Buttons. You only get about seven.

“Plus, I get the added pleasure of watching their raging faces as they shake like shitting dogs just trying to open the packets.

“Ah, bless. I bloody love those kids.

“But there was absolutely fuck all chance I was giving them the Double-Deckers, Mars Bars or the Wispas. I’d be fighting the little pricks off with a cattle prod and a large net. Nope.

“It’s better this way. Wait. What size d’you call that? Jesus. Good job there are two of each.”

Simon’s colleague, Sharon commented, “I have to sit here and watch the fat bastard.

“I hate January so much.”

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