Tuesday 7 January 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump crosses ‘start unwinnable war’ off New Year resolution List


Donald Trump starts unwinnable war

Donald Trump yesterday used his favourite sharpie pen to cross ‘Start unwinnable war’ off of his list of New Year resolutions.

He believes that his killing of Iran’s top military commander Qasem Soleimani will lead to the US starting another conflict in the Middle East that, after an initial flurry of success, will see his military embroiled in an unwinnable war that America will be unable to extricate itself from for at least a decade.

“I don’t think there has ever been a President ever in history who has managed to achieve a New Year resolution as quickly as me,” explained a satisfied-looking Trump yesterday.

“Certainly not Obama. I heard Obama had New Year resolutions to go running more and eat less chocolate but he finished up one of his children’s chocolate Santas on New Year’s Day and didn’t go for his first run of the year until the middle of January.

“Obama was the worst President this country has ever had for New Year resolutions. Really terrible.”

Mr Trump went on to explain that he expected to have another New Year Resolution crossed off the list in a matter of days.

“Yeah, it’s kind of a general resolution but I think ‘F**k sh*t up’ will be complete by Wednesday or so.

“I’m getting things done!”

It is understood that other Trump New Year resolutions include ‘Own the libs,’ ‘Get some pussy,’ and ‘Complete Call of Duty’.

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