Friday 3 January 2020 by Chris Ballard

OK, let’s give World War Three a whirl, say weary Britons facing at least five more years of Boris Johnson


Boris Johnson and world war three

As Donald Trump does his best to single-handedly start another world war the UK has looked at its government and decided that, actually, it might be worth a go.

The US has killed Iran’s top military commander, prompting threats of ‘severe revenge’ alongside condemnation from unhinged nuclear-wielding powers such as Vladimir Putin.

Rather than taking a minute to think before committing an act of war, the assassination was unilaterally ordered by Trump via a DM to military chiefs written entirely in block capitals – the highest level of presidential recklessness.

After the deed was done the President tweeted a picture of the American flag, almost as if that was some kind of robust intellectual response to what appears to most to be an astonishingly hare-brained piece of warmongering.

British citizen Simon Williams woke up to find ‘world war three’ trending on social media.

“At first I thought oh Jesus, please no,” he said. “I’ve read a lot about World War Two. I have a young family – I don’t want my son to be conscripted and have to partake in some kind of beach landing; he’s only four and would get distracted building sandcastles.

“Though I suppose these days it’s more likely that my wife and kids will burn up in a nuclear Armageddon – anyone’s worst nightmare. But then I remembered that the Tories have just won a stonking great big majority and thought well, it’ll probably be quick, won’t it?

“I don’t really think it’ll happen though. Whoever heard of a world war being started just because a single individual got assassinated?”

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