Everyone suddenly an expert on Iran

author avatar by 4 years ago

Absolutely everyone is suddenly an expert on Iranian and Middle-Eastern politics, it has emerged today.

Engagement with the Iranian regime has proven a nigh-intractable problem for decades, but all of a sudden everyone on the Internet has a depth of knowledge on the best possible solution for the region which has eluded the world’s finest minds to date.

Popular ideas include a neat division into ‘goodies’ and ‘baddies’ allocated according to whom your preferred political allegiances are closest to, or acting like the Quds Brigade, Iraqi and Syrian Militias, and the US Military give the first toss what someone with a picture of an Anime character in a party hat as their user icon thinks.

Suggestions that only someone marinated from birth in a heady broth of sectarianism, revolutionary republicanism and political religion can truly comprehend the myriad and shifting alliances and factions were dismissed as “Lol ur stupids”.

The involvement of Russian commenters has been welcomed because their well-informed input always improves things.

“I reject the idea of a complex, messy situation which risks me getting it wrong,” said Kettering-based Internet Prime Minister Simon Williams.

“I’d like to see a coalition government emerge to take charge across the Middle East and bring a much-needed period of stability to the region, but only if it is solely based around people who I happen to think of as the ‘goodies’.

“The fact that the International order has failed to accommodate all of my contradictory wishes means I win the Internet today, and they don’t deserve to be in power.

“So there,” he added, smugly.

However, any suggestion that the real world is time-consuming, very expensive, involves grubby compromises and certainly features people we might not normally want to deal with has been rejected as completely unacceptable.