As people begin their Christmas celebrations, the US Executive Branch used its platform to remind people that, every year, lonely old people are left abandoned to their dementia, all their dignity gone and left alone to talk absolute gibberish about how the universe is big and wind is bad.
The White House’s poignant video showed a tragic sight of a pathetic old man named Donald, once a well-known name in the construction business, spew out any thoughts that pass through his addled brain while people around him shuffle awkwardly and avoid eye contact.
Simon Williams, the young intern who initiated the Christmas appeal, said he wanted to use the White House’s fame to address the growing problem of degenerative mental health in elderly men.
“I know it’s a hard ask. Who wants to spend Christmas with some aggressive crank who just spouts utter bullshit about chocolate cakes or whines on about some imaginary feud with Nancy from across the road?
“But bear in mind that even a hideous hate-filled imbecile hurling insults at teenage eco-activists was a kind human being once upon a time.
“Try to remember the good man they were and give them the dignity of a family Christmas, however embarrassing that might be.”
Mr Williams was unwilling to believe reports that the man they used for their appeal had always been like that.
“No way. That kind of cretinous rant can only be the result of severe dementia. I mean, if someone was such a shithead all their life, surely someone would have noticed.
“Anyways, I have to go and film a segment where poor Donald wants to send an email but can only type meaningless bollocks like covfefe.”