”A Christmas Carol’ is ghastly modern tosh’ insists Jacob Rees-Mogg

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Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg has denounced the Dickens classic as vapid postmodernist claptrap.

Conservative MP and unpleasant anachronism Jacob Rees-Mogg has described Charles Dickens’ 1843 novel as ‘indicative of the asinine age in which we live’.

Mr Rees-Mogg, who communicated with us via telegraph, went on, “It’s unsurprising in this age of reality television and “smartphones” that some upstart hack would jump on the bandwagon and start churning out sentimental rubbish and insipid new ideas for modern readers.

“For example, the Cratchett family dine on turkey at the end of the book, which is, of course, an uncouth colonial bird. When I was at Eton the Yuletide dish was roasted archaeopteryx, sometimes with grilled coelacanth for the masters.

“Scrooge himself is a relatable character of course, being a gentleman of refined education and therefore showing a level of common sense not present in the lower orders.

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“The most sickening part of the book of all though, is when the author calls on the rich men of London to do more to help those in need. Spirits and time travel I can accept, but that is a fantasy too far. Dreadful balderdash!”